Detours

So Casey and I were driving back from Durham on the Freeway almost to the I40 exit when I saw a detour sign for it. There were two trucks in front of me and even though I saw no construction I took the detour and followed them. Well, the trucks were evidently at their exit because I proceeded to lose them after the first 15 minutes. I realized after a while where the road was taking us. Back to Chapel Hill. I was going to turn around but I had already reached the point of no return. I was familiar with the road and during my grad school days had been lost on those back roads before. We drove by an old barbeque place (Allen & Sons) that I remembered fondly. The conversation went something like this- me-“That’s some of the best barbeque ever.” Casey-“Then why are we still driving?” Me-“Did you have lunch?” Casey-“No.” It was at that moment that I made a u-turn on a gravel driveway and headed back to barbeque goodness. It was just what we needed.

I’ve taken a lot of detours in my life lately. I am happy to report that my knee surgery went well. There was a tear and the doctor was able to repair it. The other good news was that he told my mom that my knee was in great shape. He didn’t believe that I was as heavy as I claimed to have once been. I go back next week for follow-up and hopefully for a little more clearance. I am back in the pool and thanks to Alex and Kathy and their creative workouts, I am getting in some cardio. I feel good. I’m walking around and moving without pain. At times I have to remind myself that I had the surgery and to take it easy. But my body is angry. It wants to move. Mentally, I am struggling. I am finding myself moody and emotional. I don’t have the release like I did. I’m working on it. But the surgery was a detour. I didn’t want to take it but I believe it’s going to make me a better athlete.

So Kathy loaned me a book to read while I recovered. I have only made it through a few chapters but something the author wrote stuck with me. The book is called The Shack by William P. Young. The quote, “I suppose that since most of our hurts come through relationships so will our healing.” I reread that line several times before I could move on. Detours. A year ago, I never expected to be where I am today. I never expected for the people to be in my world that currently get me through every day and I never expected those who I thought meant the world would be gone.

At times I am sad about those in my life who now are relegated to random texts or complete silence. Every once in a while I remember something that occurred and a wave of nostalgia hits me hard but then I take stock of the life I have. A good life. Like the author wrote most of my hurts and ghost stem from relationships and I have found through new and revisited ones healing. Detours.

If I had turn the car around and gotten back on the Durham Freeway, Casey and I would have missed some good barbeque, sweet tea and amazing hushpuppies. If I had ignored the pain in my knee and tried to work through it, I never would have healed. I might have done more damage and been taken completely out of the game. If I had wallowed in my pain and misery instead of picking up the pieces of my life and moving on, I never would have discovered the meaning of true friendships. I would still be sitting on my patio in my Mickey Mouse Pjs watching the world go by-no barbeque, Five Guys, Feeneys, Wednesday nights, Sunday mornings, triathlons, cookouts, or card games. I needed the detour to find life.

Life is full of detours and I am grateful for them. The back roads are often better then the freeways.

I'm Allright

It’s been a while since my last post and I figured I was due. I just haven’t had much to say lately. Life has been good. I had a great 4th of July weekend minus wrecking the bikes and missing the ride but I got in some quality time with friends on Alex’s front lawn, several good swims, lunch with Casey at my favorite place and I helped celebrate Kathryn’s birthday.

On Saturday morning, as we were heading out to ride in Burlington, I made the mistake of backing into one of Alex’s neighbor’s car. What a morning! There was some damage to the bikes but they have since been repaired and ready to ride again. I learned a valuable lesson that morning. It really is how you respond to something. I wrote about this issue a few blogs ago but never thought I would have to put it into such practice. I remained calm, somewhat cool, and I never cried. I dealt with it. I laughed with Alex over it and I made the best of the situation. It happened. We moved on. Having Alex with me helped. She looked at me and said, “Maybe we weren’t meant to ride. Maybe if we’d ridden, we would have been hit by a car.” Good point. You just never know.

This past week has flown by! I enjoyed another fun Wednesday with Casey and our wings. I followed it up with a great discussion at Guinness and the Good News that I feel very passionate about. I just couldn’t keep my mouth shut! :)

I took my last spin class for a while on Tuesday night. It made me kind of sad. I’m not sure if that’s because of the amazing workout or because it’s my only connection to a past friend. But either way, I’ll miss it and her.

I’m scheduled to have knee surgery on Monday morning. My mom is coming into town Sunday to stay with me. I would say it‘s going to be a good time but I don’t think it’s going to be. I’m scared. I’m being taken out of the game. There are so many questions that are going through my mind right now. The what ifs- what if I lose my muscles, my determination to be fit, my mind? What if I gain all my weight back? What if there is something seriously wrong? I’m trying not to play that game but in the middle of the night, it keeps me up.

It’s going to be a good weekend no matter what. I have several decisions to make and things to think through but I refuse to let them get to me. I am going to push through and enjoy a few good bike rides, some swims, and I might even have to hit the stairmaster one last time.

So I’m ok. I’ll try not to play the “what if” game until the doctor rolls the dice.

Happy New Years!

Ok. I know most of you are wondering what in the world I am talking about but in our world of local government, today starts a new year. It’s that time of the year when Finance begins closing the books, reconciling accounts, and we can finally see how “close” we budgeted the past year. Today, departments are hopeful again. Spending resumes and the city can get back to business. But for the Finance department, it’s a time to look back and “clean-up” the city’s finances.

I’ve never been a big fan of New Year’s. I’ve had some good ones in my past but the whole concept of moving forward and starting a “new” year has been something I struggle with. I don’t make resolutions because to me they are the first thing to go. Amid all of the sparklers, party hats, champagne and Auld Lang Syne the outlook for the coming year looks wonderful. But upon waking the next morning, not only is there the hangover to contend with but there is all the “stuff” from the year before.

Much like our Finance department, someone has to deal with the past. It can’t be ignored and in most cases, until we deal with it, we can’t move on into the “Happy New Year”. As you might have guessed, I’m good at ignoring things. Most days I do a good job of removing things from my reality. But (there’s that damn but again) the things I ignore have a strange way of reappearing when I least expect them or want them to. I’ve been working on this since lent began back in February. I have “cleaned-up “several areas in my life and have taken stock of those things I need to reconcile. I’m a work in progress.

So for today, I am going to celebrate the new year. I’m going to wear my party hat and look forward because I believe that I’ve spent enough time in the past. I have many things in my life to be thankful for- good friends, family, my health, a good job, my church family- and I have many things to look forward to in the coming year- the tour, iron man, wild Wednesdays, half marathon, retreats, etc. If I spend too long looking into the past- I’m going to miss the world in front of me.

Happy New Year everyone! Today let’s celebrate the possibilities and tomorrow we’ll begin the process of closing the books.