I Want Cheese with My Whine!

Ok. So I typically don’t think of myself as a complainer but after this week and revisiting my blog, I just might be. But in my defense, I am having a hell of a week. So if we recall a few days ago I received the news about my “new found truth”. I have still not dealt with it and at this point, I’m not ready to. I’m appreciating my amazing ability to keep my head in the sand. I just don’t talk about it. I make a joke here and there but I’m refusing to begin the inevitable analysis and changes that are required. I’m just not ready.

So that was Tuesday. On Wednesday night I went to the gym to run. I figured after my amazing swim that morning, a run would round out my day. I was meeting Alex for a follow-up swim too! So my knee has been bothering me since White Lake. It comes and goes and more recently it’s been bad. I’ve gone through a tube of biofreeze and have moved on to another. I was determined not to let it stop me. Once I got moving it was easy to forget about it.

But (there always is one) my normal everyday life was being affected. The simple act of driving could bring tears to my eyes and I would go down a flight of stairs like an old woman. I could still interval it out on a StairMaster but don’t ask me to go back down them. Anyway, I regress, so I got on the treadmill and began my warm-up. After a few minutes I hit the speed button to bring me to my normal pace and off I went. For the first 30 seconds I struggled to find my rhythm because I had been favoring my left leg so much and my running was way off. So I found my normal cadence and managed another 20 seconds at most before I had to reduce the machine before I fell off.

I couldn't do it. Heaven help me, it hurt so much. Each step about killed me. So I hopped on another non-impact cardio machine for 30 minutes but the pain never really went away. I swam with Alex and then headed home where I put ice on my knee and hoped for the best. By time I went to bed that night, I couldn’t sleep with the pain. I tried more ice, heat, and medicine but nothing worked. I was so scared and upset.

Thursday found me calling around to find an Sports Medicine/Orthopedic doctor who could see me sooner rather than later. I managed to get an appointment for the afternoon. In the meantime, while I was eating lunch I felt something funny in my mouth. I first thought I cracked my crown so I called the dentist. It turns out that it’s not the crown but a filling which will now probably become a crown on Tuesday when I go to visit my friendly dentist. No pain but it is annoying.

So by time I got to the doctor’s I was in a mood. Long story short (might be too late), I have the knees of an old woman due to all the years of carrying around all my excess weight. There are already signs of arthritis and in the doctor’s words-“he hates to see knees like mine in someone so young.” Nice. He gave me a shot of cortisone and for a moment I thought it worked which would mean it was a minor tear. But within 10 minutes I had to sit back down. It made the pain more bearable, but there is still pain. I am scheduled for an MRI on Tuesday and revisit the doctor on Friday. He is trying to rule out a lateral meniscus tear.

This morning I woke up and got somewhat excited because I thought maybe my knee was better and the cortisone shot worked but after squatting and walking up and down the stairs, I realized I would be swimming today and probably quite a bit in the near future. The doctor told me that I could swim, ride an indoor bike and that’s about it. I’m trying not to think about the repercussions of this. I’m trying not to imagine the several years of hard work I put it in to have such strong legs being destroyed in the next few weeks, maybe months as I deal with this.

Working out is my lifeline. It’s like the air I breathe. My best friend. It’s always there to make me feel better and get me going and more importantly, help me attempt to control my weight. So for today, I am asking that you let me whine and perhaps give me a little cheese with it. Thanks.