What If?

I don't play the "what if" game often. I am a firm believer in not regretting the choices and decisions I make. I learned a long time ago that life didn't come equipped with an eraser. No redo button. I learned to learn from my choices good or bad and enjoy the process.

Yesterday I played the "what if" game. Mom came to see me yesterday. Now before I begin, let me say that I love my mom and I am proud of her accomplishments. I am very lucky to have a mom like her. She has supported me my entire life whether my choices have been good or bad. This blog is not about her directly but about the decision she made.

I joined WW in February of 2007. In the fall of the same year, mom had "full" gastric bypass surgery. I struggled with her decision but I was there during and after the surgery to help her through it. It was by no means easy. But I get angry when I think about the process. Mom didn't have to learn about nutrition. She eats very little veggies. The only thing she doesn't eat is sugar (over so many grams) and she stopped drinking soda. She eats- pizza, wings, etc. just smaller amounts. Mom hit goal weight last fall. I had gained 50 pounds. I can't get the scale to move. I workout like a junkie, eat like a nutritionist and my body refuses to reward me. But mom did in less then 3 years, what I haven't been able to accomplish- goal weight.

Mom wanted to go clothes shopping yesterday for a dress to wear to a wedding. She loves clothes shopping. So I was helping her find something and we went into the dressing room. I was waiting for her to come out and she looked great in one of the dresses we picked. As I stood there looking at her I started playing the game. What if I had chosen the other path? Would I be at goal? Would I be happier and more confident with who I am on the outside? Would I still feel like the largest person in a room full of skinny people?

I can't undo my choice (unless I gain all this weight back). I'm not sure I would change it either. As frustrated and upset as I get at times, I think I am on the path that was meant for me. I'm not sure the "other" path would have lead me to White Lake or the Rush. I not sure I would have found the same happiness on the back of the bike. I would never have met the amazing women that are now part of my life. I would not be such a strong person without having gone through this struggle.

There are no winners in the " What If" game.