The Finish Line

I'm a mess. When I picked my mom up from the train station last night even she noticed my current state of being. I ramble, wonder, forget things, and at any given moment want to sit down and cry. Underneath the nerves and the doubts, I am excited. We leave this morning for White Lake. It was one year ago that I left with Kiernen to watch Ellen race in the half. Tomorrow I'll watch Alex and Kathy participate. They'll be amazing. I have a better appreciation of what the race means and the training involved.

Then there will be Sunday. Have I mentioned that I am a mess? My wave starts at 8:23am. Doubts fill my mind. Am I ready? Did I train enough? Would one more run have helped me? What was I thinking? The last question is the one that I am struggling with the most. I mean who did I think I was. Three years ago I couldn't walk from the parking deck at work so what makes me believe I am ready for a triathlon.

I have spoken with many people about the triathlon. Most are excited and encouraging. They tell me that my fears are unfounded. I'll be fine. Someone even said, "I'd even be able to complete it." That kind of stung. Not that I doubt that they couldn't but in that one statement it was like they were saying I didn't need to train all these months. That this was a simple race.

Sunday's race is anything but simple. I have trained all these months. I have logged the miles in the pool, on the bike and on the road. I am a mess but I'm hoping that I am a well trained mess. This race has come to mean more to me then just another athletic achievement. It's like another milestone in my weightloss journey and becoming the new person I am. No matter what the time is when I cross the finish line, I have achieved greatness.

I have many doubts and many fears but as I leave today I am determined to finish this race. I will cross the finish line (with the tune of Rocky in my head) and I will not let my own insecurities take this moment from me.

Stay tuned.