The Retreat I Didn't Know I Needed

So this past weekend was the Women's Retreat for Church. I had signed up a month ago and at the time it seemed like a good idea. As the date got closer, I kept making excuses up on why I couldn't go. But since I placed a deposit (what a good idea) I knew I was going.

I met up with Kathryn and Jennifer Friday after work and off we headed! From the moment I got in the car, it was like riding with two old friends. We didn't miss a beat. There were times I laughed so hard that I thought I'd pee! Upon our arrival at the house, I got my first glance at the ladies of Starmount. It was an odd assortment of women. I jumped right in determined to have a good time.

I not only had a good time, I learned a lot about myself, those amazing women, and gained a deeper understanding of my faith. The topic for the weekend was the Grammar of Faith. I can't really explain everything that I learned but one of the key moments in the weekend occurred Saturday morning as I sat in quiet reflection. We were asked the question about the power of words. As I sat there, I realized that I had grown desensitized to the words that others speak to me. Promises meant little and I often question what other's tell me. I had become jaded and cynical in my advancing age.

This greatly troubled me. When had I stopped trusting? When had I determined that all people were not entitled to understanding? When had my mind begun to fill with doubts about those around me?

I can't really answer all of those questions. I think I have allowed a few chosen few dictate how I relate and think in regards to others. Most people in my world had become innocent bystanders in the train wreck of my emotional inability to trust others and establish healthy relationships. Ultimately, I believe this affects my relationship with God.

As my journey through lent continues, I need to let go of those relationships and deal with the emotional baggage that has been left behind all of these years. Every day, I need to "Let Go and Let God" begin the healing process in my life. I desire deep friendships with others and until I can overcome my jadedness and trust again, those relationships will never development.

Words need to hold power again. Not just the ones I speak but the ones I have been refusing to hear.