Baskets

I believe that our lives are full of baskets. Pam and I developed this theory a while ago and I always seem to return to it. We place our time, energy and resources into the various baskets and depending on the basket and where we are in life, we might put more in one then another. As I look back over my life, I typically have unhealthy baskets. I tend to place too much of myself in too few baskets which means I depend on few others and things to make me happy. I've been working on this while learning how not to overextend myself. It's been a challenge.

This past week has been full of all kinds of baskets. I have reconnected with some old friends and continued to develop the new ones. On Friday, I headed to the Mellow Mushroom with Casey for a "few" drinks and some good pizza! My buddy from grad school Creighton joined us- I've been trying to hang out with him since he moved here about a year ago! Stephen, his wife April, his mom and their beautiful baby girls joined us after a while. I stayed with them and had a "few" more beers and enjoyed their company. I hadn't hung out with them in a while.

After my extended dinner I headed down to Natty Green's to meet up with the Starmount gang for Andrew's birthday. I was early so I made friends with the pilot visiting from Tennessee next to me. He stayed with us for a few hours! Once the gang arrived, a few of us headed over to Grey's to continue the party! What a good time! After that party broke up, I got a text from Micheal and Karen who I have not hung out with in over a year! They were across the street. I joined them at McCoul's for great beer and some quality time to catch up! After we headed out, I headed to Cooper's to close the night with Jennifer and Carrie Mae! What fun- I think we even danced! So many different baskets in one night!

I managed to get up and hit Kiernen's spin class at 8:30am. I was a little rough but it was good. At lunch I joined the "Rush" girls to celebrate birthdays including mine! It was fun- my WW leader Linda even joined us! At 2:30pm, Alex came over for a nice long ride outside. My goal for the day was to enjoy the ride. I wasn't worried about my speed or the distance but wanted to focus on my old friend, the ride. It was amazing! We had such a good time. We climbed many challenging hills and got in about 40 miles! Whoohoo for us! Thanks Alex for helping me remember the love of the ride and for being a big basket in my world!

That evening, I joined Pam and Casey at the deli for some amusing and some serious conversation! I love these girls! I was so hungry from the ride! All I wanted was nachos! But it was a good night with two very important baskets. A nice way to end the day!

Sunday morning, I headed to the pool with Alex for a rough swim! I then ran home to get ready for church. After church I went to lunch with the gang! Crazy conversation and good food! That afternoon we attended Jordan's senior recital. She was amazing- what talent! Congrats to her!

It really has been a crazy week! I had a good tempo run on Monday night and a great last "heavy" leg day this morning until after White Lake! It was so good, I had no legs left for spin class tonight! Oh well!

But the baskets keep coming and I am trying to place my time and energies in those that are important to me and those that make me a better person. It's important to remember that as we fill our baskets, we also take from those baskets what we need as well. The give and take. Way too often I would give and then wind up with an empty basket. It's amazes me how much life has changed!

Pot Luck

Whew! It's been a while since I've written. The world around me just keeps moving and I am being pulled along for the ride. It's been fun. But I needed to take a moment and get some of these thoughts out of my head!

First, a big shout out to Casey who sent me some pictures to post here so that we can put faces with names. The first picture is of Casey and I taken at my birthday lunch for the office. The second one was the same day with Stephen. It was a good birthday lunch and afterwards, Larry (the boss) treated us all to a tour of the new International Civil Rights Museum.

At bible study that night, the gang got me a birthday cake! Yummy! On Sunday, mom came into town for church and lunch and gave me my birthday presents! I got my Garmin watch which is wonderful! I even took it for a 4 mile run tonight. It is really going to help me with my pace outside. Alex and Shannon got me a supply of my favorite shot blocks! As Alex knows, I get a little testy on a ride when I have to share them. Alex also brought me back a "I love NY" t-shirt. Kathy got me a racing belt and a ankle timing chip holder! I am ready to race! What a GREAT birthday week!

On Saturday, I went with Kathy bright and early to meet Alex and the gang at the NC Marathon. Shannon and Alex were running the half and I was going to run with Alex to warm up! What a time we had. Kathy is a great cheerleader. In the afternoon, we went to Red Robin to celebrate the event! I am so proud of the girls. It was very motivating to watch the event. It got me excited about White Lake and being out there competing myself.

I have had some really good workouts this week and I think I finally have my eating under control. I am motivated to keep changing. It's going to be another busy weekend but I am ready! Bring on the fun!

Celebrating 34 Years

Wow! What a day! I woke up singing Happy Birthday to myself and I think even the kitty meowed a cheer! I hit the gym where the cute guy at the front desk wished me a happy birthday. It set the mood for an intense and very rewarding leg day! I managed to increase lots of my weights and had a great interval workout on the stairmaster. I even passed my best weight on the leg press- 450!!! Whoohoo! Happy Birthday to me!

The birthday wishes kept coming all day! Alex even sang to my voicemail and mom sent flowers. I enjoyed a wonderful lunch with Pam and Marion where I got a calorie free birthday cake drawing and a balloon. Who could ask for anything more? I hit the gym this evening for Mike's St. Patrick Day's spin. I got in a few good miles before class and had a good time connecting with everyone. The wishes kept coming. Mike even did my favorite spin ride- the flat plain and played my favorite Grease song! A good night with good friends. I even scored a gift from the Rush.

As I sit here reflecting on my day, I am reminded about the year I leave behind. It's been a challenging year. Last March was when my weight loss started to really stall leading me on a downhill spiral. Around that time, I was entering into a friendship that wouldn't last the year but was short and intense and taught me a lot about who I am and who I'm not. A little more than a year ago, I starting lifting and have made great strides with the weights and have found some peace and joy there.

In the past year, I have met and reconnected with some amazing people. I have formed a core group of ladies with whom I am honored to train with. It was my birthday last year that my mom helped me buy my first rode bike which has changed my life. I have logged many miles on that bike. I have sweated, laughed, sang, and even cried on the back of that seat. I have met many people and have supported several good causes. It opened a whole new world for me.

This year saw me go back to church. I found the missing part of myself there. A place I belong and am accepted for who I am. The bonds I have formed there are strong and encouraging. They give me a new strength. It was like coming home.

In the past year I have become a triathlete as strange as that sounds. Alex has worked faithfully and with lots of patience with me in the pool. She has logged many miles with me on the bike (even though she is not allowed to pick routes! :) ). I have found some strange joy in running and can even make it 5 miles. Something I never dreamed I do.

Friendships that were always there are still there. I started working on those "baskets" even more this year. Pam has been a constant source of encouragement and love. A real friend. Casey has become like a sister to me. Sharing the joys and pitfalls of life in our little corner of the world. I even caught up with an old friend from high school who moved into the area. Entered the new year with her and the family.

It's been a good year filled with many blessings. There has been heartbreak and tears but there has always been love and support. My family has made great strides in accepting this crazy "active" lifestyle I embrace and my mom and me reached new understanding in our different approaches to this weight loss. Because on either journey, its still been a battle.

I am looking forward this year- my first triathlon, half marathon and who knows maybe a half iron man. But either way, I am thankful today for the life I live. It just keeps getting better. As I say goodbye to the past year and tuck those memories away, I continue to keep moving on this journey. I never want to stop growing and learning. Life is good.

The Road and the Radio

It's been a long weekend which was attached to a long week. I've been in a semi-funk for the past few days. Not sure where it came from but I think for a few days I wanted to enjoy it. I traveled on Saturday to see the family. It was a good trip.

I hit the gym Friday morning for what was originally suppose to be leg day but I decided I needed to get in a run. So I hit the treadmill. My goal was 5 miles. I warmed up for half a mile and then off I went. I felt good. After each mile, I would walk for a minute and thirty seconds and then take off again. I was about half way through mile four when I wanted to give up. I was reaching for the button to take it back to a walk when a voice from deep within me said, "You are not a quitter. You can do this. Just keep going." I put my towel back in place and kept moving. I made it the five miles and then cooled down to another half mile. 6 miles! It was a good morning!

Saturday morning I made-up the missing lifting day from earlier in the week and then took Kiernen's spin class. Always a good time. Headed home to shower and change and then off to visit the family. As I was driving down 421, one of my favorite Kenny Chesney songs popped on the Ipod. The Road and the Radio. I haven't been listening to much country lately but I let the song play. It spoke to me. I even restarted it several times to hear the beginning again.... I sang along...

Ain't nothing out here but me, the road and the radio
Looking for an exit and a song that I might know
Counting down the memories and adding up the miles
Searching for a feeling I ain't felt in a while

Clarity and inspiration
Happiness is a destination that's hard to find
It may take some time
But in my mind there's something more
And I'll open up a brand new door
And find the strength to close the ones I left behind
And I'll get there leanin' on some friends I know:
The road and the radio

Happiness is a destination that's hard to find. Wow! How true is that? I think I opened a new door on Friday. I believed in myself and my ability to complete those five miles. There was no Alex behind me pushing me (even though knowing she believes in me helps.) I believed.

In less then two days I turn 34 years old. If you would have told me when I turned 30, that my life would be the way it is now, I would have laughed at you. I am stronger (physically and mentally) then I have ever been. I have respect and love for me and my body. I still have some issues with self image but then who doesn't? I am happy. It has been a rough journey to get here and I am by no means finished but I think as I look forward to another year older, I need to celebrate the amazingness that my life has become. I need to hug and love those that have supported and cared for me and thank them for taking this wild ride with me.

I don't know where this road is taking me but I have all the time in the world. I just keep singing with the radio.

The Missing Workout

This is the second night in a row that I missed my evening workout. I also took a full day off on Monday. This makes for a very unhappy Mary. I think I needed the break but I don't like it. My eating has been off, I'm missing workouts and I just feel fatter. I can't seem to keep my head in the game. I don't mean the workouts, I mean the food. I'm not eating crap but I'm eating a lot of "good" food. I can't seem to get full. Ugh!

Ok. I'm trying not to whine my way through this blog. I had a really good swim yesterday morning and I kicked serious butt in my shoulders, triceps, and biceps workout today. I just hate that I am not getting in the cardio. Sometimes it feels like I don't do enough. What was the secret before to my weight loss success? I can't seem to find the magical formula.

Not much else going on. Had dinner tonight with the gang from church. Always a good time. Going to see the nephews this Saturday. I'm looking forward to being with family. Work has been crazy and it just seems to get worse every day! Is budget season over yet?

So I'll keep plugging on. Tomorrow morning is legs! I'm really going to try and push a good cardio workout out of it. I'm really going to focus on getting an evening workout in as well. I need to go back to the mindset of one meal at a time. Food is always going to be a battle. But I have to keep fighting it!

Boot Camp Weekend

As I was cooking my lunch for the week tonight, I thought about my weekend and how to put into words the craziness of it all! I'm not sure I have time to write it all or if there is anyone out there who even wants to read it. So here is my best shot at a reader's digest version!

Friday night I hung out with one of my favorite families- Pam, Duane and the kids! We laughed so hard! I found a kindred spirit in the "gas" business! Saturday morning showed up way too soon and I sat around pondering attending Kiernen's new 8:30am spin class. While I know it's a good workout, I also knew what the day ahead held for me. A text from Pam informing me she was going sealed the deal and off I went to the Rush! After an awkward "good morning" start (that could be a whole another blog), we pushed ourselves for 45 minutes.

I headed home to fuel up for the day ahead. At noon, I met Alex at the pool for a quick swim. We were doing 200m x 5. I felt good and off I went. When we got to the last set, Alex told me that if I could complete the first 100m in less then 2:20, I didn't have to do the second 100m. I was determined. I swam like Nemo!! I completed the 100m in 1:51 much to my and Alex's amazement. I'm like a kid, I just need incentives!!

After dragging our bodies into the locker room for a quick change, we headed out to iCoffee for the flat 47 mile bike ride. At this point, I was already tired. But I was determined to keep up with my rockstar hero- Alex, so off I went. I couldn't get my grove. I was slow. But I managed to climb some hills in amazing time. We passed a fire truck parked in the middle of the road (a first) and almost passed a tractor but I think the driver saw us and his pride wouldn't allow it!

About halfway through the ride, I told Alex just to blow it out and that I would catch her in the end. I put in my bud and tried to enjoy the rest of the ride. My parents started blowing up my phone right before I was to get back on 150 so I stopped to see what was wrong. Nothing major- Mom wanted to know what color skull cap I wanted!! REALLY? LOL! Dad wanted to talk and all I kept saying is- I'm on highway 150 on the back of a bike. I have to go!!

I finally hit my stride in the last 8 miles (figures) but it was nice to be back on the bike for a long ride. It's been months. My body reminded me of that later. I spent Saturday night with Casey's son- Jordyn. We had fun! We hung out with Pam and the kids. The kids enjoyed Chick-fil-A's playground and we engaged in some good conversation (could be another blog). Jordyn and I headed back to the house where we played Super Mario! That game is STRESSFUL! Good times!

I woke up Sunday morning to another busy day! I had to be at church at 9am to help setup for the Bring a Friend to Church brunch. I was super excited! Collete and Kathy (swim buddy) came for church! Kathy brought her dad. It was a fun time to hang out with them outside of the gym and worship together. After brunch, I was on the clean-up committee so I stayed to make sure everything was good. You know you are now "part" of the church when the women's circle lets you take home the good tablecovers to wash them! :)

I rushed home to change and get my stuff together for another afternoon with Alex. We were meeting at her Grandparents in Colfax. I was tired and sore from Saturday but still determined to keep up! I got to meet Alex's grandparents. They were wonderful. I wished I had more time to hear the stories her grandmother referred to about her dolls. Maybe another time! We got on our bikes and off we went.

Alex was in charge of the route and she is sooo fired!!! LOL! The first 8 miles were hills and we were both tired. I just kept pushing but was getting frustrated because my time sucked. We ended up on this road-66 and it was horrible. Traffic, lights, and we were even stopped by a train! On the way back, there was one final BIG hill. I was determined and hit it hard. I made it at almost 18mph for the first half and then realised that I was fading. I climbed the hill but had to stop and get my breath at the top. My lungs from the cold had given out.

We got back after 18 miles and I stored my bike, donned my running shoes and headed out with Alex on a 5mile run. I didn't believe I would make it but I was determined not to cry, quit, or whine (too much). We started slow and before I knew it, we were halfway done! Craziness! We made it back and I was only over my average per mile by 2 minutes. I fell apart the last quarter mile. 5 miles- 62 minutes. Not bad. A first for me.

This has been a crazy weekend. I'm not sure I did it justice here. I had a good time. Alex is amazing and continues to push and challenge me. I learned a lesson on the bike today. I need to remember that while I am training for White Lake and speed is important, I do this because I love the ride. I need to focus on the ride itself and not my speed or the time. I love being on the back of the bike no matter how slow I go. For me, its about the ride, the good company and not the training. I need to be careful not to turn something I love into a chore.

My life is better on the back of the bike. It's all about the ride.

The Highs and Lows of the Week

This past week was like the week that would never end. Between the gym and work, I tried to stay afloat. Not sure I did a great job but I managed to get through. I had Guinness and the Good News on Weds night. It is always good to hang out with the gang. We sang for Kevin's birthday and celebrated Austin's new job!

I struggled this week at the gym. I designed some good new workouts but I was tired all week. I think I've been fighting this cold that won't stop giving. My running has been horrible!! Ahh well! You win some and lose some.

I had a GREAT week in the pool. Kathy and I swam on Thursday and it was amazing. Alex is always challenging me and seems to know what I need to swim. This week marked two months until White Lake. I'm getting nervous. The 750m swim scares me. Well, in the middle of my swim workout this week, Alex sticks a 750m swim for time. WHAT? That was my response when I read it. And because our swim day was pushed back a day, I had even more time to hyperventilate about it.

Thursday morning arrives. I meet Kathy. I try to be my normal chipper 4:30am self but all I can think about is the 750m. We start swimming warm-ups. Kathy is telling me about this job she's been interviewing for. I'm so happy for her but all my mind can think of is the 750m. Well, the time arrives. Alex estimates that I can complete my 750m in 22:30. I look at the clock and begin at 5:13:00.

Off I go. 30 laps. In my mind, I have this broken up into 3 groups of 10. There is my focus. The amazing part, is that I am doing it. I'm not panicking. One lap at a time. I look at the clock as I complete my 500m and realize I had over 10 min to complete the last 250m to hit Alex's time. I just kept swimming.

As I pull in to the wall on the last lap, I look up at the clock. 5:33:08. I did it! I let out a yell!! Do a little pool dance! What a moment!

I am stronger then I think I am but I tend to forget it. But I'm glad I have people in my life who recognize that and believe in me. Thanks Alex! What a week!

The Retreat I Didn't Know I Needed

So this past weekend was the Women's Retreat for Church. I had signed up a month ago and at the time it seemed like a good idea. As the date got closer, I kept making excuses up on why I couldn't go. But since I placed a deposit (what a good idea) I knew I was going.

I met up with Kathryn and Jennifer Friday after work and off we headed! From the moment I got in the car, it was like riding with two old friends. We didn't miss a beat. There were times I laughed so hard that I thought I'd pee! Upon our arrival at the house, I got my first glance at the ladies of Starmount. It was an odd assortment of women. I jumped right in determined to have a good time.

I not only had a good time, I learned a lot about myself, those amazing women, and gained a deeper understanding of my faith. The topic for the weekend was the Grammar of Faith. I can't really explain everything that I learned but one of the key moments in the weekend occurred Saturday morning as I sat in quiet reflection. We were asked the question about the power of words. As I sat there, I realized that I had grown desensitized to the words that others speak to me. Promises meant little and I often question what other's tell me. I had become jaded and cynical in my advancing age.

This greatly troubled me. When had I stopped trusting? When had I determined that all people were not entitled to understanding? When had my mind begun to fill with doubts about those around me?

I can't really answer all of those questions. I think I have allowed a few chosen few dictate how I relate and think in regards to others. Most people in my world had become innocent bystanders in the train wreck of my emotional inability to trust others and establish healthy relationships. Ultimately, I believe this affects my relationship with God.

As my journey through lent continues, I need to let go of those relationships and deal with the emotional baggage that has been left behind all of these years. Every day, I need to "Let Go and Let God" begin the healing process in my life. I desire deep friendships with others and until I can overcome my jadedness and trust again, those relationships will never development.

Words need to hold power again. Not just the ones I speak but the ones I have been refusing to hear.